Humorous Argument

SNL Comedy Sketch: Dropping the Ball…
(Humorous Argument)


Characters: Private Griffin (Grif)
Sergeant Johnson (Sarge)


Setting: Some point in the latter months of 2001, somewhere in the Iraqi desert. Private Grif and Sarge look over a convoy as it makes its way into Iraq. Private Grif looks somewhat depressed at the view of the convoy. Johnson notices this and proceeds to question Grif as to what’s wrong.

Grif: Well here we are sir…
Johnson: Yes sir private, long have we traveled to this desolate and ill trodden to overthrow the shackles of tyranny and oppression, to instill freedom and justice, and to wave the flag of democracy in the face of evil! It’s like were super heroes from the comic books! Except we can’t fly and melt things with our eyes... (Sighs)
Grif: If you say so sir…
Johnson: What’s this? Something got you down Grif? Are you feeling lonely, depressed perhaps? I won’t have no touchy, feely emotions dulling the edge of my killing machines! No sir!
Grif: Well sir, it’s just….I don’t know about this whole invasion. It seems ill conceived. I mean why Iraq, I mean yea there’s Saddam but what does he have to do with the war on terror? It’s like were going on some kind of paramilitary goose hunt lead by some trigger happy redneck from Texas! Not to knock W but this just seems like it won’t end well for us…
Johnson: (Chuckles) My little Grif, so naïve in the ways of war and politics. Were here because these poor people have cried out for our help and we were all to happy to oblige. (Grif tries to interrupt to correct him but he is stopped by Johnson’s hand) I know we didn’t find any of them weapons of mass destruction, but that doesn’t mean we won’t! Don’t worry boy, with good ole George W leading us we’ll overthrow Saddam, install democracy and be outta this sandbox in 6 months tops! (In a fast paced, repetitious manner) Theres no way this will turn into a long drawn out conflict coasting the American government billions of dollars, thousands of young soldiers lives, inflating gas prices, destroying the US economy, discrediting George Bush for the rest of him life, and leading to an eventual Democratic takeover of the United States led by a well spoken, charismatic black man! No there’s no way in hell that’ll happen! Why before that goes down Al gore will win a noble peace prize and Ben Affleck will win an Academy Award! (scoffs)
Grif: Actually sir, Ben Affleck already won an Academy Award for co-writing goodwill hunting with Matt Damon…
Johnson: You’re kidding?!
Grif: No sir I’m not unfortunately.
Johnson: (scratches his head in confusion) Well I’ll be damned, I thought all he did was sit on a couch for 6 months while Damon worked his ass off…But I wouldn’t worry Private. Theres no way all those misfortunate, forshadowess sounding events will happen, and Al Gore will never get a noble peace prize!

Scene cuts to a slide with text which says SEVEN YEARS LATER…(THE DAY AFTER AL GORES HAS WON THE NOBLE PEACE PRIZE) Johnson and Grif are in a forward patrol base, listening to the radio. Grif has been wounded and is in a bed, Johnson is sitting next to him.
Johnson: Grif, do you remember I made about seven years ago concerning events such as this one.
Grif: (with a sarcastic, yet disdainful undertone) Why yes sir, I believe I do recall said statement….
Johnson: (nervously) Hehe….yea….I might have dropped the ball on that one….
Grif: (Sarcastic with a hint of anger) NO SHIT………sir…..

Comments for this are under the previous post. I apologize for not getting this up sooner but my original draft was written on paper!